when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
