Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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