I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just had sex on a roof
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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