Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
