just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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