i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
