Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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