WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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