She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
