In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
