we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
