Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
