and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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