How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
