is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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