I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
