I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
