just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
