he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
