she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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