I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
