If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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