Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
