I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
