you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
