I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize