I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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