sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
