Are we in a gay sports bar?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude. I can hear the air.
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