R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
