there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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