I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize