I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
