Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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