HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
