i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
