in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
