I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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