I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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