my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
