I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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