Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
