I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
