It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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