Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
