I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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