I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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