I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
