What did we do last night that was yellow?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
