So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
