Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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