someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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