Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
