Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize