I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
