I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
