I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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