the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
