shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
