I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
