i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
