We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
