Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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