I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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