i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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