is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
