He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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