Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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