Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dick very happy bro
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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