By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
