Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
