I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me i tasted like america
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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