im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize