thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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