it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
