I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
