fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
