she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
