if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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