I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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