I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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