the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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