forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
