I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
