I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
