I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Come on in and take your pants off
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