If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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