I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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