Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
