I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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