I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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