from now on my penis is your penis
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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