sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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