You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
