That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
