I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize