"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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